Slappin' Cheeks

Something's wrong with the state of Oregan. After spending five days in jouvenile detention, two middle-school boys, both 13, are apparently facing further jail time and being registered as sex-offenders for slapping girls on the ass. In an interview, one of the boys claims slapping is a way of saying 'hello,' much like a secret hand-shake.

I'll be the first to admit that while I'm no-longer 'in' with the middle-school crowd, slapping ass-cheeks seems, well, not at all like a hand-shake. That said, it is absolutely absurd to know that in a country where Hilton and Lohan get a slap on the wrist, and treatment at a place called "Promises" (I'm still unclear on what is promised) for behavior that can kill, 13-year old boys are prosecuted for slapping butt-cheeks. It is a waste of dollars, and it is a gross representation of the un-equality that exists in today's justice system.

In my day growing up, slapping butt-cheeks would probably result in, having my butt slapped by a leather belt, after which I would not longer slap butts.

What would you do if you had your butt-cheeks slapped?

Premature Releasing

Somehow, while surfing through life, I missed the Harry Potter wave. That said I do have some thoughts on the premature releasing.

Put simply, premature releasing happens (just ask Dan Vierling). And in today's digital, fast-paced, uber-connected, Internet-crazed, insert-the-buzz-word-of-your-choice, world, where someone at the CIA knows who you are calling before you are connected, I must say, 'Hats off to Ms. Rowling for keeping her secret as long as she did.' She's been working for years, and until Thursday, say 18-hours before the release, no one knew the ending.

I think that if I had a top-secret book, I would take the same approach as Seth Godin. Simply, don't put it ALL in paper! For most, books have transformed into trophies. We read them, enjoy them, some-times talk about them, and then they sit on the shelf as show-off items, hinting at who we are.

If I wanted to keep my book a secret, I too would create a hybrid book. First, type it. I say, 'type it,' because everyone knows books are no longer written, they are typed. Second, have it published, less, say, the last three or four chapters. On release day, the last chapters would be put on-line. Every buyer then gets a code for access. It's that simple. You get the trophy for your shelf, and I keep my secret.

I guess the only drawback is that instead of spending $20 M on book security like J.K., I should plan to spend $20 M on computer firewalls.

That's my thoughts. How do you keep your secrets?

Anyone up for a threesome?

How about an early morning threesome? Here's the application. Don't think you can handle it? Come cheer Amanda and me on!

E.P. Tom Sawyer State Park
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Start-time: 6:45 am

Based on endurance and stamina, I hope finish in 2 hours and 15 minutes.
Cheers!

Update (7/19): Triathlon Distance: 0.5 mile swim/14 mile bike/5K (3.2 m.) run
Since last nights work out, I am changing my predicted finish time to 2 hours or possibly slightly under.

"Who Sailed The Boat?"

Our trip to the islands consisted of chartering a 40’ sailboat on which we stayed while island hopping. By far, the number one question has been, “Who sailed the boat?” Since many of my friends know very little about sailing this is a legitimate question. It’s how the conversation goes that I struggle to understand. Here’s an example:

Me: “Yea, we just got back from a short sailing trip where we chartered a boat …
Other person: “Wow! That’s cool! Who sailed the boat?
Me: “We did. You see, I grew up sailing, and its just something I’ve really always know how to do….”
Other person: “Cool, but who sailed the boat?”

This is where I get a bit confused. After studying communication intensely for four years, I feel as though I am loosing the art of it.

Me: “We did. We chartered it from a company, loaded some food and our stuff, and away we went...”
Other person, “Yeah but who sailed it?!”

I thought I would take this entry to explain how sailing, and then bareboat chartering works. First, sailing.

To sail you really need 4 things. Namely, you need a sailboat. After that, you need a captain, or someone with some reasonable sailing experience. Then depending on the size of boat, it’s easier if you have reasonably sober crew (this can be as simple as 1 other person). Lastly, to get anywhere, you need some wind.

Got those four and you are ready to go sailing. First getting on a sailboat the things you see can be a bit overwhelming for the inexperience. But it’s really not complicated.

Here’s a quick summary on boat identification. The simplest boats have two sails: A main sail, this is the sail over the back of the boat, and a Jib sail, the sail in the front. All sailboats have a large metal vertical pipe in the center. This is the mast. It’s used to hold the vertical side of the main sail. Off of the mast extends a horizontal steel pipe: The boom. This holds the bottom of the main sail. There are some steel cables on the sides, front, and back. They keep the mast from falling over and are called shrouds (side cables) and stays (front cables). There is a rudder. This steers the boat, which on big boats is attached to a steering wheel. Turn the wheel left, the boat goes left, turn the wheel to the right right, and, well, I think you get it. Lastly, that there are some ropes. Only the ropes have names and can be categorized as a halyard, a sheet, or a line.

Here are the very basics of sailing. You use a halyard to hoist your sails. HALYARDS hoist. That’s all they do. After your sails are up, you are done with halyards. Now that the sails are up you steer the boat where you want to go and use the sheets to adjust the sails accordingly. Each sail has its own SHEET, so there is a Jib SHEET and a Main SHEET. Releasing the sheets, lets the sails extend outward for sailing downwind. Pulling on the sheets, pulls the sails closer to the boat for sailing upwind. Because sails have to be filled in order to get anywhere, the only direction you can not sail is directly in toward the wind.

When you get where you are going, you release the HALYARDS, the sails fall down, and the boat stops. Drop the anchor attached to the anchor LINE, the boat becomes secure and now you are ready for a rum drink (one of the most important parts of sailing).

Sure, as you get better, there’s more to learn, but you could reasonably start to sail with the information above.

Once you get some experience under your belt, you can charter (rent) boats from individuals or charter companies. You pay some money, they turn over the boat to you for an agreed upon time, and away you go. If that sounds a bit overwhelming to you, then you can arrange to charter with a captain. In which case a captain will join you and your group and, well, he will sail the boat.

The Caribbean is perhaps one of the easiest places to sail. The water is deep, so there is nothing (or at least very little) to run into. There is always good wind, and the islands are spaced so you never lose sight of land (imagine a big lake).

That’s that. Let me know if you want someone to take you sailing!

The Land of the Laid-back

Hello again! Hopefully the few occasional readers I have picked up haven’t died from starvation of an empty bowl. I have just returned from a much needed vacation in to the Caribbean.

For anyone who hasn’t been, the Caribbean isles are a place of their own and while on my trip I was reminded of a few things I thought I would share.

First, time as we know it transforms into the schedule of what-is-felt-like-doing. It is perhaps the only place where the customs/immigration officer closes up shop and disappears not because its closing time, but because he got hungry and needed a sandwich. Forty-five minutes later he strolls back carrying a small bottle of Ting and reopens.

Second, it is perhaps the only place (or the only place where I have been) where you will see both a chicken and a goat literally cross the road while you are walking or driving along. Why’d the chicken cross the road? Another story for another entry. Just know that they do. Everyday.

More interestingly, I learned that the British Virgin Islands are the second largest source of foreign direct investment in the world (behind Hong Kong) with over US $123,000,000,000. Yikes! Billions!! Who knew? Clearly, there must be some kind of tax advantage.

Lastly, while spending my day lazily swimming off some beaches and drinking Painkillers (the official drink of the BVI), I was reminded of how much easier my fat floats while in saltwater.

Take a summer get-away? Tell me what you learned…

Cheers!